Hey there! Margaret Charm here. My publicist, Ashleigh, told me my family’s fanbase has been asking about getting a tour of our home. I can see why you’d all be so anxious, since my mother pretty much locked the doors to anyone who wasn’t family while she was the head of the household.

Well, I’m 21 now and in charge, so I say it’s time to open the doors to the public again. I know, my family’s a bit ahead of what you’ve read so far, but Ashleigh will catch you up soon. Everyone ready? Okay, then. Let’s start the grand tour.


This is our entire property from the outside. It’s the biggest lot in town and yet we still struggle to find room for everything we want. As you can see, we’ve got a pretty bitchin’ view of the cliffs, lighthouse and ocean from the back of the property. It’s hard to believe my Great Grandma Marylee looked out over these cliffs with nothing except a bed and a guitar here.

Our garage has three cars in it. Two Toyota Priuses and mom’s squad car. The blue Prius used to be mom’s, but then she got her squad car and gave the Prius to Julie, then she gave it to me when she left. Meh. I don’t mind hand-me-downs, especially when they’re sweet rides.

The First Floor

Okay, so now we come to the inside of the house. This is the main foyer. The floors are solid marble. My Grandma Mandy designed this whole place herself. I miss her…

Anyway, the main foyer leads off to all the rooms on the first floor. The first archway on the left leads to the living room, the second leads into what we call the hobby room. First archway on the right leads into the dining room, and the second leads into the kitchen. Tucked on either side of the stairs are two small bathrooms. The house is pretty much completely symmetrical, since Grandma was totally neurotic. People tell me I am, too, but I don’t believe them. There’s nothing wrong with double-checking appliances. It’s just a safety precaution, sheesh!

Right when you enter the main foyer from the front doors, you see the grand staircase leading upstairs, but we’ll get there later. Let’s finish down here, first.

This is our living room. It doesn’t have a lot in it, but we like it that way. The furniture’s pretty classy, in my opinion. My dad watches Cookin’ Cable here a lot and Juliana used to read in the armchair in the corner. I don’t really spend a lot of time here. The living room opens into the hobby room. Same deal with the other side of the house. I always thought Grandma Mandy was going for an open-concept feel until Mom told me that the family just didn’t have the money to finish those walls and left them open. I know. Not as cool anymore, right?

The hobby room used to be filled with my Great Grandpa Christopher’s fish, but they all died a while ago. Mom still won’t let us get rid of the last four bowls. She misses him a lot. He lived a really long time, I’m told. There’s my Great Grandma Marylee’s guitar sitting by the easel my Great Aunt Marcie and Grandma Mandy used to paint on when they were kids. That guitar is a priceless family heirloom. My mom uses the treadmill a lot for her job, but sometimes she storms around the house all mad, saying that Great Aunt Marcie’s ghost is using it and won’t let her have it. Yeah… she’s pretty nuts.

Walking across the main foyer from the hobby room, we enter the kitchen. Our whole family spends a lot of time in here. My dad’s always cooking and the rest of us are always eating at the breakfast nook in the corner, or just sitting and talking. That door there leads out to the back patio. We’ll go out there as soon as I finish showing you the dining room.

This is where all our indoor parties happen. As you can see, there’s a bar by the window and we bring the stereo from the living room in here when we throw parties. The dining table itself has a lot of room, but we’ve got so much family that they spill out into the foyer anyway.  There used to be a lot more portraits of my ancestors here, but they fell off the wall and shattered one night. Mom cried for days after that, but I promised her I’d keep painting the rest of the family just like tradition demands. Mom says she used to hang out with the President of the United States right here in the dining room when Grandma Mandy was the World Leader! I’m so jealous, though President Obama does still send us Christmas baskets every year.

Alright, back through the kitchen to the patio. We host some of our parties here, too, if the weather’s nice enough. My daughter, Morgan, has her birthdays here since she seems to love being outside so much. I don’t know where she got that from. I hate all the nasty bugs and the pollen flying around everywhere. I try to stay inside as much as I can. Out here, we’ve got a barbeque, a patio table, an outdoor fireplace with seating and some lounge chairs with a table to put your drinks on the far side. The patio looks out over the cliffs.

Walking around the corner, we come to the pool patio. Sorry it looks so crummy right now. Ashleigh keeps going on about game patches giving us graphical issues, but I have no idea what the heck she’s talking about. We have another bar out here and some more lounge chairs. The sliding glass door leads into the dining room, but Mom gets mad when people ruin the wood floors with their wet feet, so we have to dry off outside, first. I’m sure Morgan will love to be out here swimming when she gets a bit older. Just a few days shy of her sixth birthday now.